Update: Since U’ve Been Gone

In case you were wondering, I've been working on/updating my Summer 2005 Goals. It's going slowly, thanks for asking.

1. Drink beer. (Check!)

2. In my front yard. (Hmmm. There are pleasant, short men in my front yard every morning nowadays, cutting grass and edging flowerbeds and such. They also smile and turn off their noisy machines when I pass, and tip their hats. See what that monthly housing association $$$ gets me? Yardwork, done by short, considerate, smiley men in orange reflective vests! Man, landscapers are aces. Anyways, I suppose this baby pool idea will have to be weekends only, or relegated to the backyard kingdom, which is also my neighbors common area and covered by Golden Retriever poo. I need a plan.)

3. stolen from friend: In an inflatable baby pool. (Not yet purchased, but something tells me it won’t be hard to find, once a plan is established. Reminder to self: pay water bill.)

4. ideas from same friend: Preferably wearing a black glitter bikini. (Secret Shame #4, Internal Posting Edition– I own an 80s’riffic shiny black bikini that is way too small for me and my partner, Ass. It’s pretty hilarious, and RILLY SHINY. Not glittery, but like –sleek, like a seal? Or made of satin? Kind of Really stripper-esque? I honestly don’t know how long I’ve had it, or why it was purchased, but so it goes. I know I’ve never worn it; but I did pack it on a trip to CA and pulled it out in Laguna Beach; and then was all like "seriously, who do I think I am?" and repacked it and came home and shoved it into a far corner of sock drawer. But I was looking around the other day, and it’s reared it’s supe-sexy head. If you are 5’2" and 100 lbs, I might have a swimsuit for you. I say "swimsuit" with the ultimate in sarcastic afflication, I'm pretty sure it might dissolve upon touching liquid.)

5. Also, read Kavalier & Clay so I can stop pretending like I already have read it when people talk about it in groups. I know, I'm 15 years behind on this. (Also read 1776, to look smart!)

6. Seriously, get my car inspected already before the fuzz tracks me down. (Passed, even with my cracked windshield.)

7. Build some sort of amusement park. Mebbe in honor of Jesus. (Amended. Ideas: Roller Rink, Water Park, just purchase Dinosaur Land instead of building a new roadside attraction, change it’s hours so I can make sure it’s open for my birthday in winter.)

Additions:

8. If Project Dinosaur falls through, make early reservations for Medieval Times.

9. Also, commence Project Responsibility, which requires social drinking to be conducted in a mature manner. Baby pools= totes mature.

10. Find copy of "Runteldat" on video.

11. Write a review on new Coldplay album, because that’s what accredited bloggers do. Reminder: listen to it first.

12. I missed Graceland while I was in Memphis, so I’m rightly and obviously a tad peeved. That’s why I hereby proclaim August the month of Merle Haggard! Did you know Merle Haggard grew up in a boxcar in Oildale, CA? Neither did I. But this I know –the current owners have been known to let visitors in to look around. I smell a very special vacation for the Governess this summer! Flights home "across the pond" to London, an original vacation plan, are too expensive for me on my retirement pension.

13. Duet cover of "Summer Lovin'" with Craig Finn, become instant star/revered musical genius.

14. Update IPod. If Beyonce and Jay-Z come on one more goddamn time, I will throw myself off the stairmaster in an unholy, dramatic production consisting of my own hot blood and deathly woman-screams.

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EDIT: Any other sites have a review of the new Lucero besides the usual suspects? Thx.