Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Spoiler: Because the Governess types three times as fast...

Scenes From a Batman Begins. Now Pirate Free.

CNN's John King and Jamie McIntyre bring children to movie. Maybe not their children, but somebody's children!

Item! Senator Patrick Leahy shakes many hands, yet not told to fuck anybody!

Item! Is that the Vice President's senior advisor and former re-election spokesperson Steve Schmidt talking to Karl Rove near the balcony? Be careful fellas, that's a dizzying drop and everyone knows how much you like to spin!

Alright, on to the movie.

1. We didn't stay for the credits but I assume they rolled by like this...

Henri Ducard.... Liam Neeson
Mr. Neeson's Mustache Wrangler.... ???

I'm also assuming that the mustache had it's own off-screen fluffer, but sort of thing doesn't make it into the credits of respectable motion pictures. His whole upper lip is very distracting.

And so is the one on Tom Cruise's current beard. We all know what's under that make-up.

2. The standard complaint of every old person: too loud. It's fine during dialogue, especially since all the English blokes have a hard time enunciating when they try to talk A-mur-i-can. But the sound of train brakes or 10,000 bat screeches in uber-amped Dolby is a bit much.

3. The actual movie: Okay, the Governess is right, there is nothing new. Unconscious damsel, check. Car chase, check. Explosion/fire of large building/vehicle, how about three? The fight scenes are very cramped like they were shot by someone trying to take a picture of themselves, with their grand-big sister, at arms length, at the Front Page, during the first weekend of summer break, after it appeared in the Lonely Planet's intern guide to Dupont Circle. (That's some crowded shit) And the didn't waste any celluloid in the first 30 minutes. It's edited like a trailer.

But you know what? It's still good. Christopher Nolan did a fine job. It's fun, it's scary, it's entertaining.

It's David Goyer best story, better than all the Blades, but I can understand people's problems with the villains. Warner Brother's past movies have tied his hands. You can't go near the Joker because Nicholson. Halle Berry has (temporarily?) ruined Catwoman. Mr Freeze and Posion Ivy were nauseating in the Clooney one. They went with the Scarecrow and Ra's al Ghul. But if they wanted to stay Frank-Miller-dark then these were the bad guys to go with.

It was nice to have real actors in this. However, it's too bad that the Brits have to show up all the Americans. Kate Holmes and Morgan Freeman were the only homegrown talent and Kate wasn't even good. And I have a hard time watching Christian Bale without thinking of him naked, dropping a chainsaw on someone from 8 stories up.

But he deserves an Oscar for the scenes when he gets all fratty. The girls in the pool and the party speech? That's brilliant, classic frat. You'll see.

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