Thursday, August 10, 2006

made of wood, it rots

Random misc. crap before I leave this hellish Rainville for sand and outlet malls, again:

1. Life Shit, Subcategory: I'm Dumb - when I kind of forget to keep in touch with old friends for a few months, and then send them an email that basically says "Hi, I'm an asshole, let's get coffee*?" and they are like "okay, but let's do it before I move to Romania." Um, okay, Hoss - I love you AND I'm jealous and Romania, please to explain the fuck?

2. A comedy about bike messengering. (Oh, I dunno- isn't, like, every day kind of a comedy about bike messengering?) Also, I love the front page. "RECOMMENDED." "TOP PICK." Especially because the first time I read it, I read "'TOP PICK' - New YORK City," and I was like damn - the entire city got their collective junk together to proclaim this, of all things, TOP PICK? out of everything in the universe? Not funny probably? Whatever. Still laughing. Can't help it. Not apologizing.

3. MJ: Re: Lookalikes = God's outlet mall. Talk about the bottom of the feeding pool. Even reality show stars have more cachet than lookalikes. Maybe that's why that's not too big an industry here in the states. But what do these people do besides exude an air of desperation? People actually hire them to a party and everyone has a laugh? Do any of these people hold down normal jobs, like waiters, bankers, teachers? Or do they wait for the phone to ring? I'm suddenly sadly curious. All that being said, some of those people really look like famous people. As a tangent to the conversation, accquaintance won a local contest at a Faith Hill appearance last weekend. She won for looking the most like Faith Hill. She said people were whispering as she walked past, "is that really Faith Hill?" And therefore think people in NC must be obnoxiously stupid. Also, repeat: Faith Hill. I KNOW.

4. My computer, and the World Wide Web in gen., can totally pound fucking sand today. I am honestly not a terribly stupid person, desptie rumors/reports. However yr girl cannot figure out the most simpleton things this morning ("Car 51 D:/ Drive, Where Are You?"), and I am aggravated.

5. A Funny Blog I Sometimes Read also reminded me that Kim Gordon? FIFTY THREE years old. Black is white, up is down, left is right.

6. Is this, by the way, surprising at all? The headline probably should have read "Hey American Suckers: You Eat at a Subpar Tourist Cafe next to the Spanish Steps, You Pay for It. Also, You're Stupid."

7. Off to the beach tonight with the D and the midwest cousin by-marriage; an adorable young recent college grad who views the NC shoreline as a heavenly oasis built of dreams and unicorn poop and white-bikini'd virgins, flooded in rainbows and Natty Light and sunscreen and desparation. usually we sit at home watching Food Network and reading crappy 25-year old historical mystery novels, but something tells me this weekend mightbe different. Wanting to hardcore make out in the back of The Pit or wherever? We're the wingwomenz. I'm gonna try and make this trip memorable for the lad, maybe. Watch yr backside, 19 yr-old POA's all decked out in shorts that say "Juicy" on the ass and one-shouldered crop tops. You look retarded as all hell, and that's nothing short of perfection. I'm gunning for you.


* eh, not true. vodka?

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