Wednesday, August 09, 2006

It itches so much


Someone, after recently seeing my photo*, just referred to me as a “gaywad.” Adorable. I haven’t been called gaywad in 15 years. I remember a flurry of use around 3rd grade, especially in Cub Scouts. That was until the Den Leader stopped the proceedings after he heard the term fly and grilled us about how it was impolite to use. And my best friend, good old Ross A. who would go on to marry the model/lawyer/reality TV star, said “We thought it was a happy piece of chewing gum.” Our unmalicious faces did not give us away.

If memory serves “gaywad” falls toward the less severe on our list of known male insulting adjectives at the time. As determined at camp that year…
  1. Mother Fucker
  2. Cocksucker
  3. Asshole
  4. Dick
  5. Dipshit
  6. Douche bag
  7. Gaywad
  8. Retard
A year later, my elderly neighbor’s daughter and son-in-law took me and a friend to the Car Expo they have in town every year around Christmas. He asked about what kind slang (or “playground talk” as he called it repeatedly) the kids were using and we recited this list. He was so impressed with the thought two 12 year olds had put into this that he paid for pictures of us standing in front on the Keaton**-era Batmobile.


I wish I knew where that shitty polaroid was.

*I currently look nothing like that picture. A severe case of poison ivy has rendered me looking like those before and after meth addict photos the cops use to scare kids in the Midwest. How one gets this much on the BOTTOM of his feets, I don’t know.



The Governess said...

yr a winner in my book, gaywad!

Brunch Bird said...

I had the ivy so bad in July that I had to go to a doctor. I highly recommend getting to one post haste and not messing around with over-the-counter stuff. Oh, and you forgot "fartknocker".