Thursday, August 24, 2006

family band tour

Recap of the last 16 hours, give or take:

- 6:30 pm - After work but before Summer Camp Arts-n-Crafts class, I stop at my neighborhood Rite Aid. In the parking lot, a Corvette (gold) pulls up. The driver, a very shiny man bedecked in a tight white polo shirt (to show off his ARMULAR MUSCLES!!!!) and maybe green Zubaz (?) and definitely a gold chain. He steps out of the car and goes inside a store. A few minutes later he exits, smiles at the passenger in his Vette, grabs his crotch, and gets back into the car and drives away. The license plates? "GO2GUY."

- 7:30 pm - Annoying Lady is back in class. She spends the entire two hours loud-talking to herself about how she's fluent in Dutch and how she just got back from vacation in Las Vegas. The N suggests bringing in a handful of tumbleweed, and throwing it in her face.

- 10:02 pm- I accidentally laugh at South Park, which isn't funny, but involves a pimp-and-ho beating each other up. See? Not funny.

- 2:00-3:00 AM, approx - I have a dream I am working at a famous resort as a Brooke Shields impersonator, but I am very bad at it, seeing as I look nothing like Brooke Shields. But I continue to try and scam my way through this resort, and make big stinks when I do not get my way. Eventually I need to leave, and I ask the valet to bring my car around front. Also, I think I am using a stolen credit card maybe? Anyways, the hotel staff plays along with me, but I can tell they are rolling their eyes, and then they tell me to STAND IN THE CAB LINE WITH THE COMMONERS while they go get my Bentley (borrowed). And I throw a fit, and tell the desk lady I'm going to call my PR people. The desk lady, Katherine Helmond, does not give a shit, and I spend the entire time standing in the cab line sulking because nobody will believe that I'm famous.

- 8:45 AM - As the N and I drive into work, I witness a relatively well-coiffed woman, probs in her mid 50s, vomit a stream of what appears to be Country Time P ink Lemonade into a tree bed. When the light turns green, she smiles and crosses the street.

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