Tuesday, January 10, 2006

stellatrix/demanding satisfaction

Re: Cigar smoking lesbian poets:

I don't think I know anyone who wouldn't find Amy Lowell a total charmer.

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Synonyms- apprehend, comprehend, construe, decipher, dip into, discover, explain, expound, express, flip through, gather, glance, go over, go through, interpret, know, leaf through, learn, make out, paraphrase, perceive, peruse, pore over, put, refer to, render, restate, scan, see, skim, study, translate, understand, unravel, view:

- I don't use a pen," Waldo snaps. "I write with a goose quill dipped in venom:" Fake movie products.

- Jamie Oliver reveals he is BORING and TOTALLY NEEDS TO LOOSEN UP, man.

- NPR: you hear it here... first. PS, journalists: NelSEN. -SEN. -SEN. Not everyone Americanized their names at E. Island, okay.

- Seriously, I have nothing to blog about, since I went to bed at 9:30 last night. All I have done in the last few days is watch TV. So, starting tonight, I refuse to watch any more television, as it is ruining my life. I also refuse to wear swishy athletic pants that are a size men's large, so I have to tie them up around my upper ribcage just to have them stay on my body. I am wearing silk today bitches, and my hair is not in a scruffyass ponytail. I am young and fabulous, and TYPEY TYPEY TYPEY TYPEY TYPEY boring PARTY I will be leaving my little mouse house on Friday AND Saturday nights boring resolutions boring stupid PARTY PARTY. Life, getting one. 06.

- SF/J:"I cannot remember the rapper's name but there is a terrible English rapper who is right now rapping terrible rhymes over The Cure's "Close To Me." I think it is called "Assess Your Life" and it is reassuring, this song, because it takes us all back to the time when neither white people nor British people could rhyme, when the subway was a penny, and a nickel could get you a roast pig and a close shave."

- Can you turn a cell phone into a laser pointer through Real Life Technology, and not just by, I don't know, duct taping a laser pointer to the back of your cell phone? Especially if your cell phone has the gayest little black leatherette bra-thing on it? Duct tape leaves gummy markes on my cell-bra.

- This gum, while initially delicious and full of citric acid crystals which I enjoy, tastes like paste after 2 minutes and 37 seconds. I timed it.

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Office space:

This is a three-hole punch.

Every office in the world has one.

Exception: your United States Government.

Who's employees apparently. Go to Kinkos. To pay. To have something. Three-hole punched.

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