124 Trap

In the same conversation that yeilded the prom/front yard crapper, I learned form my father that my uncle was in a car crash. He somehow wasn't hurt.


What has four wheels and no trunk?.

Fortunately, he had buckled up. But the whole front seat came apart on impact and he and it ended up in the back seat. They also found his glasses in the trunk. And even though his shoes were tied, they remained at the pedals when he flew out of them.

As my old football coach liked to point out, nothing says "solid hit" like getting knocked out of your cleats. A collision like that would cause him to yell, "Welcome to the NBA!" which was a rather confusing thing to yell at a football practice. But he was so often confused.

He would also emphasize his points by spelling his words. Incorrectly.

"That was a good lower body workout. I bet your legs are dead. D-A-D, dead." or "Bell! Those blocks are killing us! Rufus get your helmet on and get it done. D-U-N, done!"

And every year, at the end of two-a-days, he would have give an anti-drug speech, though it were usually better suited as an instructional session on how to get high off of cleaning products and where to score pot.

I'll paraphrase my favorite. "Alright guys, there are these parties where people steal there parents prescription drugs and then pour all of them in a big bowl. Every hour or so, you swallow a big handful. It's kinda like a Quaaludes trail mix. These parties are always really fun, especially if your parents are out of town and have a pool. But don't do this. Even though it's fun."

Back to the car accident. Here's some advice from a fourth generation farmer.* As you urban bloggers plan your August road trips (or drive to Chicago with all her possesions) be wary of cornfields, especially in the Midwest. The corn is currently at a height that limits your ability to see oncoming traffic at intersections. As the summer wears on, farmers are supposed to cut back corn near the road, but they don’t always comply. It's what happened to my uncle. He didn't see the gravel truck and it couldn't see him.

*Dead cilantro plant in window sill.