let me see ya bounce right to left n let ya shoulder lean

My day off yesterday was grand, except for the whole losing-spare-keys / dog-in-trashcan / three-hours-to-drive-to-my-folks-house morning thing. But the afternoon was exponentially better, I got a winter coat so now I don't have to star in the role of Fey Teenager Freezing to Death at the bus stop every morning. If I rode the bus.

* * *

My new years resolution is to fix my back and neck, which has been on a downhill trajectory the past few years. Treatments thus far have included muscle relaxants, painkillers, x-rays, puzzled and bewildered general practioners, new wave crap, a dietician, limited physical therapy, a quack or two, Ibuprofen ODing, general whining, tears, a completely frustrated husband who is tired of said whining and being the sole provider of contortionist backrubs, and a chiropractor that originally gave some relief (and also LOW WHISTLED when he saw my xrays, which, great? thanks for that professional evaluation, basically the whistle-equivalent of "whoa are you ever fucked?") but who I ultimately found annoying and didn't appreciate his "payment plan," so when his secretary called to make my next appointment I spun an elaborate tale about how I unexpectedly moved to St. Louis.

Part of the annoyance is that the Neck/Shoulder From Hades attacks in several sneaky ways: first, the ever-present knot under my shoulder blade and achey-stabby thing in the uppder-middle right of my neck, in btwn the protruding bone and top of the right shoulder blade. That has been with me on and off since high school, but has become a daily thing since 2002 or so. I don't even notice it anymore, except when I do.

Second, the "I Must Have Slept on It Wrong" stiffness and tenderness. This involves me walking like a robot and having to sleep flat on my back with tennis balls between my shoulder blades and under my neck. This lasts for days or weeks and is sooooo awesome.

Third, the nerve thing. This is the least frequent and yet most disconcerting. When I was 15, I worked at a framing supply store, and was shocked by an ungrounded shrink wrap machine. It knocked me to the floor, and I easily blame my sub-par PSAT scores on that incident. Even typing this makes me feel nauseous. My shoulder/neck/arm gets a similar electrical rush from time to time, usually when I've been sitting too long at my desk. Luckily, it comes without the full-body re-wiring like the events of 14/15 years ago.

Anyways, next stop: ART. My aunt has had pretty good luck with ART chiropractors/practioners, and there is a nearby Dr. who seems like he is a possibility. Also, he works on triathletes. Why this imnpresses me, I have no idea, but doooods, TRIATHLETES. I am going to a TRIATHLETE DOCTOR.


HA HAHAHHHAHAHAH.