Bloody Knuckles

Before I’d even read the packaging that celebrated the idea that it was a “dual action gift”, I’d exclaimed to the thousands who had gathered for my birthday celebration that this Best Buy gift card was shaped like an ice scrapper. Further examination reviled that not only was it shaped like an ice scrapper but those crazy snowed-in St. Paulians were angling for some harebrained marketing ploy by actually making it an ice scraper!



It’s like an lamer than usual Swiss Army Knife but instead of a white plastic toothpick you’ll lose in 20 minutes, you can save $25 on Yeti Fur-Covered Inflatable Chair or whatever nonsense gamers need to find Zelda.

I spent the card on a new and hopefully Brown Dog-proof iPod but the penguin murdering warm spell has meant I haven’t been able to use the scraper function. But this morning found our car covered in a delicious sugary frosting and I was able to dig the scraper out from under the front seat, next to the empty diet Dr. Pepper bottles and calcified French fries.

The verdict?

First off, you have to wear mittens unless you want that cheese grater effect on your knuckles. The initial pass did not penetrate any ice, requiring me dig around the trunk for that single unmatched glove in order to get more torque. That served well enough for some windows but I quickly reached the limits of what a credit card sized scraper and fitful/enthusiastic thrusts could achieve. If I only had another larger, flat piece of plastic…



Success! Huge swaths of ice and snow crumbled under the assault of the jewel case. We were city-bound in minutes.

Conclusion: If Best Buy wants us to associate standing angrily in an ankle deep slush/salt/sand mix with our ruined slacks with their store, then they should just give out free jewel cases and forget about the dual action gift certificate/ice scrappers.