I seriously need some ladies to start IMing me more often.
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TR: SO. I am glad I caught you. One of my brother's employees brought into work a container of poisonous oil and left it on her desk. Another employee took said oil, and put it in her coffee because she thought it would kill bacteria in her body. Bro subsequently had to call the RI Poison Control Center and they sent an ambulance to take the self-poisoned employee to the hospital.
The G: whhhaaaat
TR: I have no other details. I have no idea what this poisonous oil is, why it was at his work, or why a person would poison themselves with it.
The G: snake oil? kerosene? uhh. hemlock?
TR: He's not really sure. But he did say that it was in a small vile, labeled "Poison."
The G: i love a good hemlock.
TR: He always has these stories. Recently someone came into the branch and peed on a chair in their lobby. Also, a microwave was recently tossed out of a window. The microwave was flaming because it was sent on fire by a sponge.
The G: really, my favorite is "thought it would kill the bacteria in her body" you can't really beat that.
TR: Right. Like, we have enzymes for that. We don't need poisonous oil.
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Justin: Hey! So I don't know if this is that good of a story, but pretty much my whole family (well, okay, only my mom, step-dad, wife and myself) are on this pretty intense Colonix treatment. So all of our conversations, of which there are many, consist mainly of discussing our stool. Respectively. This stuff is so powerful, it apparently gets rid of any parasites you might have as well. I say apparently because one of us, who I will not name just yet, found an 8-inch worm and freaked out. Freaked. The fuck. Out.
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D: it was a very simple proposal. i gave her the diamond, asked her to marry me under the beautiful hawaiian stars. on the tropical hawaiian beach, with the waves crashing against the rocks all around us.
The G: wow. and then you frolicked in the surf? and a unicorn came by?
D: and then i told her "if you think you can do better, there's the door"
The G: so, you AREN'T getting married, then.
D: of course I am. who's better? i'm like that jojo song. know what i mean?
The G: no. no, I don't.