Wednesday, November 08, 2006

We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward

Look at me! Live blogging from the curb outside of CNN’s Tryst jerk factory party! Stealing wireless signals! Eating a slice of pizza bigger than my face! It’s our Election Day roundup!


Unlike other Virginians, it seems, I can report that the Pyggy household experienced no voting irregularities Tuesday morning although there were some irregular voters. Hey-oh! We showed up at our voting hovel around 8am and were quickly informed by one of the sample ballot-pushers that things were going poorly inside. The machines were broken and they were turning people away and the lines were an hour long and that the FBI was on their way to arrest the lot of us and you had to be at least this tall to vote in this election. Woe!

Turned out that the only problem was a jammed printer on the random number generator machine and the election officials discovery of pen and paper meant that our Pygmalion-class action lawsuit against Diebold went un-filed. My personal hold up was the 50 year-old weirdo with the desultory facial hair who overheard my questions about the voting machine and then spent several minutes explaining how his expertise in Metal Gear Solid would translate to his besting any malfunction the voting machines may experience.

Look, dude, sometimes whiskers grow in higher than beard level. You need to shave your whole face. It’s not cool to have eyebrows growing below your eyes. Though, it does help sell your
Splinter Cell
conspiracy theories.

And your video game prattling also meant that the Donnie Darko song’s been in my head all day. Booo, Gears of War.


The Brown Dog will be happy to hear that the robotic Webb and Allen phone messages will be ending because the beeping answering machine drove him crazier than usual. He was especially unimpressed when robotic Rudy Giuliani called because he used to love hisself a Times Square erotic all-night movie house. And the Mayor ruined that for everybody.


Early exit polling out of Fairfax has shown that my uncle is quite upset that he forgot to send in his absentee ballot. Meaning it’s one less vote against those [enter derogatory statement here] and their attempts to get married. Or so he says.


Yesterday BoingBoing linked to a page of recently scanned images from old anatomy books. I’m a sucker for stuff like this so I looked at a whole mess of them in the hopes of finding a sketch of a skeleton man praying to his wicked skeleton gods.

And I lucked out.

But I also found something else.

Remember a few years back when that PIFFB worthy email was going around featuring pictures of monkeys next to photos of your President? High comedy, for sure. But who knew that email had it’s origins in the Inquisition-suppressed, 16th century work of an Italian anatomist?

And both of those drawings look like my absentee ballot forgetting uncle.

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