Have you ever tried to explain NIHM to someone who hasnt seen it? It's very hard.

I’ve petitioned Harris Teeter to look into building a new store in our neighborhood after they tear down TC Williams in a few months. First, I think a few of the Titans look like they could use some more fresh fruits and less entire jars of Jet Puffed Marshmallow Crème in their diets. And second, our friendly neighborhood Safeway has eliminated itself from possible shopping sites after I saw a giant rat scamper from the cookie aisle to underneath the greeting cards. It wasn’t cute and drunk like Paul Lynde or crafty like those NIHM convicts. It was gross.

The G, who did not see the greasy thing, defended the Safeway claiming any place with a warehouse of food will have rats. I argued that greeting cards are not food and even if they were this rat was in the store itself, not out back, letting its feces drop where it may. She was nonplussed and but I will only now buy verifiably rat-free food from now on. Like clothespins and kitchen sink stoppers and pipe cleaners and the other random junk they sell in that one section across from the cat food.

There are other grocery stores around but they are no longer options. The Giant is smaller than the dry cleaners and tanning salon occupying the store space next door and the Whole Foods is kinda far away. Just like a good Whole Foods should.

But I think I got my revenge last night while running in the woods when I stepped on a very soft rat or a very hard tomato. Either way, it was a squeaky, red mess.