Friday, March 17, 2006

Speaking of Patricks

Dicking around on the other sites the G’s linked on the side there, I came across this entry on Fug. It seems a woman named Tera Patrick had attended the Grammy’s wearing an outfit that the site’s proprietors deemed ridiculous enough to mock. Perhaps justifiably so, for I know nothing of fashion. (I peg my jeans.) I’ve been a little musically out of touch since my iPod fizzled and I incorrectly assumed that the young Ms. Patrick was some new busty pop star I hadn’t heard of.

But Allmusic returned nothing. Hmmm.

So I tried Wikipedia.

Turns out I am woefully benighted when it comes to identifying the actresses of the pornographic arts. Not only did the G. have some inkling about who this woman was, she also knew that Tera Patrick was coincidentally Carmen Electra’s birth name. Let’s see… I know Jenna Jameson because she was at my bachelor party. Then there was the one that ran for Governor in Cali. And now there is Tera Patrick. I've doubled the number of female porn stars I know by name to two.

Wikipedia spared me from having to read the entire article by providing a convenient sidebar with Ms. Patrick’s vitals. Measurements – Hair Color – Sexual Orientation – Etc. Very helpful. But are these sidebars standard in Wikipedia? Would, say, Former Vice President Thomas Riley Marshall’s entry indicated whether he has a Natural Bust? Sadly, no.

Two oversized grapics in one day? Bad form.

Riley’s only has boring old junk like “Political Party.” Snooze. No doubt Tera’s page gets thousands of more hits than the VP’s for the sole reason that history is boring. Just looking at his picture alone we could spice things up…

Collar Type – Round Tip 1½” point or "Club Collar"
Mustache – Modified Walrus
Eyes – Smoldering

So where am I going with this? Turns out that Patrick was at the Grammy’s because she’s married to Biohazard bassist Evan Seinfeld. Why he warranted an invite is another question. But Biohazard teamed with Onyx on the title track of the Judgment Night soundtrack*. And Slam is an awesome song. That’s where I’m going with all this.

*The De La Soul/Teenage Fanclub Fallin' song on that album is awesome too.

1 comment:

The Ghost of Gordon Sumner said...

So is the Dinosaur Jr./ Del jawn "Missing Link".

Man, I gotta jump through a lot of hoops to be associated with the word "jawn" in the comments section.