I actually had a Chia Pet when I was a young’en but like any elementary school science project it was completely done by my parents. And even though I could spend hours trying to make my neck move like the Walk Like An Egyptian video I couldn’t even handle the simple task of pouring a few ounces of water into its back hole to maintain the proper terra cotta moisture levels. My little pretties died almost immediately. I didn’t want the same fate to befall this prank.
I studied the instructions carefully and was instantly put off by the required 24 hours soaking process the seeds need to take before they can be applied. Damnit. I want chia now! And the ratio of seeds to water seemed a little extreme. How could these things properly achieve the proper “thick gel-like paste which will help seeds adhere to your Chia Pet/keyboard” with that much H20? Hopefully the 19th century Mexican scientists who I assume developed the Chia technology knew what they were talking about.
Indeed, the seeds gooey-ed up to an appropriate viscosity. My next question was how get them all up in the keyboard as space between each letter looked pretty tight. I wasn’t sure if the seeds could slide down or if they could then get enough light to sprout up. I figured I had three options.
- Force the gel in between with a letter opener
- Pour the gel directly on the keys and let nature take its course
- Remove the QWERTY row and let things ooze down
Goo. Goo. Goo.
The instructions also suggested using a “greenhouse environment” to urge the seeds to cast of their gooey shells. Having no such thing I just removed the clear bag from the trashcan (after peeling of my lollipop sticks), gave it a good watering and wrapped the thing up.
Go Sun, Go!
Day One: nothing. Come on sun!
But Day Two!
That fuzzy white thing? That’s some sort of Chia thing.
Alas, it was time to go out of town. Will my babies survive the weekend without me? I was not dedicated enough to bring them on a road trip so I have to trust in a Mother Nature. A New Mother Nature. It’s a new splendid lady come to call. No sugar tonight in my coffee! Da Do Da Da Do Do Do Da!
Day Five: Success!
We have green and green means life. The seeds are growing in every venue offered to them, even up between the littlest cracks. The only problem is that the constant watering is making a terrible mess and the greenhouse effect smells a little bit off. The instruction specifically say “You can not overwater your Chia Pet” but make no warnings about overwatering your black Dell keyboard. But if some earthy stank is the least of my problems, then stink on you little Chia’s. Stink, yourselves on.
Day 7: This is a glorious thing. Behold the all images here.
In my previous experience with The Pet (24 years ago) I remember it dying rather quickly. I can’t find much about lifespan in the Chia literature and I fear that I am playing a delicate game only a week in. Sure it looks as illustrious as Selsun Blue commercial but how long will the tingling last? It’s time to get this prank on and swap keyboards.
Tomorrow: The tragic aftermath!