Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thoughts from 106 minutes of Wednesday night TV

1. David Blaine is a monstrous dick. Here's the official description of his show Magic Man last night on TLC:

The magician performs on city streets and travels to the jungles of Haiti and South America for a new collection of illusions.

It should have read:

The magician fucks with poor, uneducated Haitians and a tribe of South Americans Indians by performing tricks that strongly manipulate their beliefs and fears.

Blaine "reads" the mind of a young Haitian who clearly gets frightened and starts to panic. He asks if Blaine can look inside his head, but the magician just responds "It's not what you think," before it cuts to commercial. The producers were probably hoping we'd be astonished on how easy these guys were fooled. I was more amazed about what a Giant American Asshole Blaine is. He later does it again, back on the streets of New York, but while the Gothamists are fascinated by the feat, at least they understand that there is a rational process to the trick, even if they don't know it.

2. I finally watched the Simpsons from Sunday and was surprised there wasn't more reaction to a quote from Bart. Lisa question's him on the origin of the some mystery and he answers:

We don't need to know how. It's a natural thing that happens, like a hurricane. Or a war.

Looks like an either an ill-timed, feeble swipe at the Admin. written months ago or an well-timed, feeble swipe at the Admin. written days ago.

3. New favorite commercial: Intel's Centrino In Your Lap, the last segment featuring Michael Owen sitting on a guys lap heading a winning goal. I've had a crush on Owen since is spectacular goal against Argentina in the '98 World Cup. You know the game, the one Becks blew for England after kicking out Diego Simeone all "baby Christian Laettner" style. Michael Owen can sit on my lap whenever he wants.

I'm fit and ponces like the Nabob know it.

4. Why I couldn't be Desmond: First, not so much the fan of Mama Cass. Second, not so much the fan of the self control required not to eat all the candy bars first. Once they were gone I'd eat all the freeze-dried ice cream, then the spam and the good vegetables like candy corn. That leaves only the bad vegetables like beets and regular corn after 3 weeks. Then I'd say screw the quarantine and I'd go get some of that fine polar bear meat. I could use Jin's super-hotness as a knife.


The Governess said...

there would only be dusty bottles of olives and pickles left for someone like me to scavenge. my blood is briney!

tom said...

I was already pretty sure David Blaine was a dick, but it's nice to have independent confirmation.

The Governess said...

the only magic man i like is Gob Bluth.

the Nabob said...

Illusions! They're illusions, G! Magic is for whores! No wait...

Hows that go again?