Monday, November 28, 2005

4th Grade Book Report Steez: All the Pretty Ponies Couldn't Drag Me Away

Dear Internets;

REPORT FROM YOUR WOMAN ON THE STREETS RE: PONYCAPADES.

Ahem. From the beginning.

So, I know someone who recently joined the circus. Kind of. For his girlfriend.

Not just any circus, but the Pony Circus.

Perhaps you have noticed the white tent tops in Crystal City of the DC tour stop of Cavalia. (The Horse-man Bond: A World of Fantasy [!!!]) Upon further study I realized that the "C" is in the shape of a horses head. Four stars, ethereal Frenchy graphics designers!

Long story short, kid's girlfriend is a "horsegirl." You know, the girl that still has unicorn posters in her cubicle and figurines of horses on her vanity (I bet she has a vanity. With a ruffled skirt.) Chick planned it like this: instead of saving up money for the 90 dollar (!!!!) tickets to this pony circus, (Editor: and $20 just to park. WTF. PONY POWER.) she decided the more logical route would be to get a job at Cavalia: Pony Circus. Somehow, GF of the Year was also able to persuade my friend into getting a JOB at C:PC. He's been working the VIP room for the past few weeks. AND he gets free tickets to the show to give to his friends. HELLS YEAH! Guess who got to go to the pony circus.

I am not so much one of those horse girls. I've been horse back riding once in my life, while out visiting cousins on a farm in South Dakota. I think it was the same trip the I drove a tractor into the barn. Not like "carefully drove the tractor inside the barn in a proper fashion." More like, "carefully drove the tractor into the barn wall."

At any rate, I wanted to go to the pony circus. Who wouldn't? The spectacle! The smells! The souvenier pony figurines! THE MAN HORSE BOND! EWW! Pre-attendance website research showed the C:PC show to be a cross between Cirque du Soleil and ye olde renaissance fair, with more horses and less scary cleavage. To my pleasure I was not mistaken.

The show consisted of horses walking around doing what I thought was pretty much normal horse type things, while elfish acrobatic people in odd leotards and scarves and LOTR apparel were running around them in circles, and jumping on top of their poor pony backs. Truthfully, I was very disappointed that the horses didn't perform any acrobatic feats themselves.

Nor were there any unicorns or space horses, which J and I were crossing our fingers for the whole time.

We did however end up having fab seats. On one side we had a saucy black woman, yelling out "YOU GO GIRL" every time one of the female renaissance elfin womyn would jump up on a horse. The woman on my other side would moan in a way that I found inappropriate and a wee bit uncomfortable and confusing every time a horse would come out. (Editor: PONYGASM.)

A third lady fell down the stairs. Jury's still out whether she was drunk and fell down, or if she was so moved by the show that she forgot how to walk...my money really is on both. (Editor: Drunk on majestic PONY POWER.)

In short, I recommend anyone who has a friend who joined the pony circus and can get you a ticket to the show, to take them up on their offers.

Espically if he's part of the VIP crew and can hook you up with some apple cider (Editor: PONYADE) and a tour of the stables.

Back into Internet hiding. I have a job, unlike some other people. Cough. Cough.

Love,
The D.

5 comments:

the Nabob said...

Welcome back Duchess!

I'm not sure if that SD trip was the same one where you crashed the tractor. But it was the one where Uncle pointed to a cow and said it was dinner. And that night we had steak! And a big glasses of milk!

It was also the one where I found a frozen cat in the snow near the hog barn, forever petrified in a vole stalking pose.

Until Grandpa threw it in the pig feed trough. Poor kitty.

The Governess said...

PONYBARN. PONYDAKOTA.

tom said...

more pony = more funny

(which is my way of saying that this post is hilarious)

Anonymous said...

I still think they dropped the ball by not including a "horses in space" segment. But not having paid a cent, I have no recourse.

The Duchess said...

OR a pony with a horn glued to its head. I mean, come on, the least they could do was have a unicorn!