Thursday, December 01, 2005

Mountain Goats

ENERGIZE:

Hi. Guess what happens when you google "Von Dutch Energy Drink?"

Yeah. I know.

* * *

ABOUT TO NERD OUT VIOLENTLY ON YR SHOES RE: BLOGS/SPOILED LIB. TWAT/HUNTING SEASON:

Okay, so, if you actually have a blog vs. just spending your workdays reading blogs - has there ever been a time where you were stuck without a camera or word or anything to describe the spectacle of what you were experiencing in real life? But you felt you needed to share? My example would probably be the Cabela's retail store in Owatonna, Minnesota. I just don't know how you blog about something like this, yet it's great source material.

"I think you should start the story by telling everyone how we were closing in on Mnpls before I decided we just HAD to turn around; doubleback to take our retail chances/soak in the splendor of it all? Because you were so annoyed by that and thought we were going to miss our flight." – The N.

Cabela’s is brain-bending. There really is no story I have to related about our Cabela’s experience, really, except for the fact that we visited once, and the fact that yesterday afternoon I discovered that Cabela's has an online virtual tour/photo gallery for the Owatonna store. The Moosonee post must have triggered something.

Cabela's encompasses, in one giant Lincoln Log building:

- Guns, lots of
- Fake mountains being climbed by stuffed Rams
- An aquarium with ugly eels
- Two restaurants, one with linens
- Lots of bronzey sculptures
- Camouflage for any environment (except for "Suburban Mall Camoflauge", which if I were to design a camouflage pattern, it would be my claim to camo-fame [blinking neon and Dockers- khaki])
- Antler coat racks, lots of
- Misproportioned exhibits (tiny trees/buildings, large figures)
- Down, in many forms

Courtesy their webpage:


Welcome to Cabelas, home of indoor mountains/plaster of paris


Diorama cha cha cha.


Yum/Elk buffet

Oh but wait, there's more. One more time, Cabela's website, and with feeling:

Cabela's is asking for your help in compiling a collection of taxidermy mounts, memorabilia, and antique hunting, fishing, camping, and boating equipment. This will help us to celebrate and honor our nation's outdoor heritage. These items, to include vintage books, photographs, art, magazines, trophy mounts, fishing tackle, firearms and archery equipment will be enshrined at Cabela's world-famous retail stores. It's a great way to participate in a unique historical commemoration while preserving your collectibles and sharing them with generations to come. If you have any items you would like to donate, please send a description and, if possible, photos. If you have any items you would like to sell, prices and photos must be submitted.

Get on that shit already! Help Cabela's save the modern diorama! Cabela's begs of you! Esp. vintage books and firearms, neither of which are easy to get rid of at Salvation Army.

(PS: Via IL: and only my favorite song, like ever. Weird, I know.

5 comments:

tom said...

I have no doubt that Von Dutch's product is a fine one, but for my sport nutrition needs I think I owe it to myself to turn to the ancient eastern wisdom of Steven Seagal.

The Governess said...

No one can deny power n wisdom in the form of a Lightening Bolt.

Fletch said...

Is it wrong that I grew up believing that Cabela's was only a mail-order catalog where you could look at guns and buy sling-shots? Just this past weekend I drove past two enormous Cabela's on my way from Austin to South Dakota. I would love to let a deer run free in there. Imagine the chaos when everyone rushed to the exits to get their guns!

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