Thursday, December 15, 2005

In Mexico, that dance is an insult to your mother

DOLLY
Did you know you can get married in Dollywood by a Porter Wagoner look-alike?

COLLEGE
Here's a random memory for you: So, I was a graphic design major, right? And one night before a portfolio review a bunch of us bought a case of Beast and shotgunned them in the design lab using our EXACTO KNIVES. Which is pretty hilarious, a bunch of goofy tee-shirted kids in the late nineties, shotgunning beers with the tools of their hopeful trade. Wipes tears away. Phew. Oh man. Do we know how to have fun, or what.

RESOLUTIONS
I looked back into my email archives and found the following:

Goals for 2005: Try yoga, run a 5k, make all my friends make out with someone totally inappropriate/famous. (NOTE: OKAY. That Billy Idol thing could have totally worked in my favor on this. Alas.) Build a robot Manticor. Learn to love my relatives, especially the not-fun crazy ones. Watch "Rabbit Proof Fence." Try not to "get served" by anyone/win all dance-offs. Listen to more Dolly Parton. Write a book or at least real letters instead of emails, read more classics, love my job, stop doing so much internet on the company dime, stop using the term "on the company dime", and as Sarah Brown says: "I can’t believe I’m 27 years old and have never done that thing where you stick your head inside a lion’s mouth. What the fuck." Stop plugging in appliances into power strips that are plugged into power strips that are plugged into powers strips. Don't steal (as many) post-it notes from work. Moisturize. Happy 2005! Please continue letting no one get you down.


Basically, I accomplished 0 of these things, actually reverting in re: to most of these goals. So, 2005 kind of sucked, besides getting a dog and not driving my husband so crazy that he left me. My 2004 was awesome, I swam with sharks and got fruit thrown on me by a monkey; so I guess I am an even-year kind of girl. I have high hopes for you, 2006. Goals to follow within the next week or two.

INSTANT MESSAGE OF THE DAY
The G: Remember when you used to seduce guys back to your house by talking smack about "Medal of Honor?"
LJG: Those were the days

4 comments:

tom said...

Saying that you can seduce the sort of guy who is seduceable via videogame talk (e.g. me) is sort of like saying you could cut the head off of a deer carcass with scissors: it's true, but there are easier ways, and if you stop to think about it you'll probably realize that you don't really want to anyway.

Lady Jane Grey said...

Very true Tom, very true. Lucky for me (and the guys out there) my seducing days are over. For now.

The Governess said...

THAT THERE "FOR NOW" SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT.

Ethan Wiggum said...

what?!?!? over?!?!? wherefore art thou, little pickled tornado with bad bartender-y or drummer-y taste in men?