Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Cordell Hull got it

While the Governess was off buying her "if you can read this, that bitch the Nabob fell off" T-shirt this past weekend, the rest of us Pyggies decided we'd try for some fun inda sun as well. The Duchess headed south for the beach, a black dog and walking barefoot in the Food Lion. Lord knows who's Hamptons hot tub the LJG ended up in. I figured I was going to waste the day reading HP anyway so why not revive the old practice of sneaking into the local pool. So with a "borrowed" ID number and a fake mustache, I trotted by the front desk and settled into the grey area involved in being a single, 20-some-thang male at the pool.

It would be too creepy for this old man to sit near the teenagers and their gleaming, athletic bodies. It would also be too creepy this young man to sit with the parents and 3-years-olds, while childless and reading a children's book. This left me the leathery pool-flies who reside pool-side from May to September. I saddled up next to someone's grandmom and enjoyed the day.

While not as hip as the Duchess grandmother's (who told her she couldn't buy Sudafed at Wal-mart because the kids were using to make their "crank") they were surprisingly knowledgeable of kids-stuffs. So of course they complained. And while at times they had valid points (that one girl's bikini was rather inappropriate) it seemed the current reason everything is wrong with anything is video games.

Could they be right? Is the only reason I turned out well was because there were no codes available for Super Tecmo Bowl that would allow Christian Okoye have sex with Ronnie Lott? Have I actually turned out well? If technology and her work ethic had allowed it, would my grandmother have blogged instead of, I don't know, growing a Victory Garden ?

My elderly next-door-neighbor used to blame a red-zippered-jacket-Michael Jackson for most of the nation's ills. I was once cornered by my grandfather's friend who told me hip-hop (though he used a much more offensive term) would lead me to stop tying my shoes thus increasing my chances of getting hurt. Presumably, he has warned subsequent youngsters about the dangers of wearing ones' pants backwards or how Master P's dental work can be distracting to oncoming traffic.


Listen, I don't know where this post is going or how to end it. I doubt everyone gets this way as they age. But there's a point in life where some people find more things 1000% wrong with the world than they find 1000% right. I just hope mine is a long ways off.

1 comment:

brett said...

Nice reference to the Nigerian Nightmare.