Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Headline: Concrete remains undeafted against idiot athletes

C’mon Ben! I already have the worst fantasy football team ever and you were only one of two players I was even remotely considering keeping for next season. Motorcycle accident? Without wearing a helmet? Whatsamtta with you?

But at least you didn’t go over the handle bars like Kellen Winslow Jr, popping wheelies in a community college parking lot after only playing two games in your rookie season. It’s cool though, cuz playing against the Vols is a war and Winslow’s a fucking soldier.

I’m sure 980 will be all a-flutter today with discussions about rich athletes risking their careers to pursue dangerous off-field/court activity. Let the record show that in the months preceding my nuptials it was mandated that I was forbidden to participate in any activities that may, even slightly, result in a pair of crutches or a cast appearing in out wedding photos. I lived up to my end of that “arrangement” and I didn’t have a $10 million contract on the line, only the $1000 photographer shooting in a photojournalist style.

Here in town we faced a similar situation to Pittsburgh’s only on a smaller, crappier punting level. In 1999, the Redskin’s punter/place kick holder Matt Turk complained of a sprained/jammed finer that he claimed was injured in a game against the Cardinals. But something was amiss. From the November 24 Post…
Some club officials suspected that Turk suffered or worsened his finger injury playing pickup basketball the day after the Redskins' victory at Arizona on Oct. 17. The team investigated the matter, and on several occasions Redskins officials discussed the possibility of releasing Turk but decided against it.
I can tell you that the investigation wasn’t terribly thorough because if they had asked me I could have told you the name of the guy who blocked the shot that injured the finger. The Pyggies actually had their first date at his house. Right after a delicious dinner at Ruby Tuesdays.

I know. Ruby Tuesday’s for a first date. So lame.

1 comment:

The Governess said...

nowhere in said nuptial contract did it state yr asshole spouse couldn't walk into a fucking doorframe, though. good thing i've saved this special treat for several years into marital bliss. yay.