Friday, June 01, 2007

Take that, Hamilton!

If my understanding of DC history is correct, the grounds where the Ronald Reagan building stands have been:
  1. a swamp-assed forest
  2. an awkward triangle in L’Enfant’s partially realized dream
  3. a neighborhood of brothels, flopboxes, scratch cribs, bordellos, saloons and other piles of kindling.
  4. the failed re-realization of L’Enfant’s dream left uncompleted due to a crippling national depression.
  5. a parking lot
  6. the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, opened 1998
If this is correct, then I don’t see why there are 8000 middle school kids coming to visit it every day in the spring. President Reagan, yours is the only building within the District’s borders to house a Smoothie King. The metal detectors and mile wilting sun walk, I can abide. But when I wants my smoothie I wants it now. Not after 30 minutes worth of line waiting and dozens of children have pawing over your Smoothie King brand Estrogen supplements, which they sell for some reason.

But on the plus side…

On my way back from “lunch” I saw three young teenage boys lifting up their shirts and flashing their skinny pale stomachs and chests through the fence outside the Treasury Department. Oh hell yeah, I thought, non-violent political protest and disobedience! I sure hope Deputy Assistant Secretary for Critical Infrastructure Protection and Compliance Policy D. Scott Parsons is looking out his office window right now. These boys want him to know that they think his policies are pure bunk! In your face!

Unfortunately, this was not the case and I doubt the little scamps even knew what building they were in front of. They stood there long enough to allow the rotating jet sprinklers to splash across their soft bellies. Then their teacher yelled at them and they scampered off. You win this round, Secretary Paulson.


Bob said...

7. A sweet location for the latest iteration of the Guinness Believer promotional events! Nothing says fun like going through security before drinking free alcoholic beverages!

Anonymous said...

:) as a person who works in the shinny building, you learn that if you want a hordless smoothie you better get down to the food court before 11:30. although i will tell you the best mocha in the city is at the Gelatissimo opposit the subway in that crazy food court.

It is also strangly cool to walk buy a peice of the berlin wall every day.