As my huckleberry pie of a wife pointed out, I’m rockin the modified Hrabosky today after ditching the beard last night. Here’s the pic she took this morning over my normal breakfast bowl of melted raspberry sorbet.* The full growth was getting unmanageable as I was unwilling to admit that this was less of active beard instead of in inactive razor. I was also unwilling to spend any money on any sort of facial hair trimming devices. Nuts to that.
While the beard investigation was an amusing departure from my normally baby-shorn face, this Spurlock is something completely different. It’s completely empowering but in a totally cocksure and irrational way. Every time I catch my new reflected profile in a parked car window I want to turn to any nearby pedestrian and yell “ALL THIS FLORIDE IN THE DRINKING WATER IS A NASA CONSPIRACY!! FUCK ME?!? NO FUCK YOU!?!! BRAAARRRRW!!!” And its ugly as hell.
You got 18 hours left in you, mustache. Live your splotchy life accordingly.
*This actually looks more like the child Ryan Avent and I would produce if we were to have a son. And was a Muppet.