Monday, April 10, 2006

I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride my Funcycle

I hadn’t spent much time down on the newly security-scaped Washington Monument grounds since they dug the anti-disgruntled farmer on tractor trenches until the Great American Kite-off of two weeks ago. But my reaction: feh. If it makes the park service feel safe, then I got no problems.

However, I am dissatisfied with the landscaping choices, especially when sporting on the new grass. When it’s dry, like it has been for the last month, it’s worse than Astro-turf and any slide tackles leave gross raspberries. If it’s wet, like it was on Saturday, it seems the drainage is (not to be too punny but) of low-grade. Football canceled on Sunday. Boo.

As if taking football away from me wasn’t bad enough, having no business in the city also robbed me of the Funcycle.

Funcycle you say?

Indeeds. On Wednesday I saw a strange contraption slowly moving up 15th Street towards Freedom Plaza. On it were 4 young hipsters (Fall Out Boy haircuts) and what appeared to be a tour guide wearing a Bike the Sites shirt. Being naturally curious I went to their website but saw no mention of the thing. Being a naturally annoying person I went to their website and wrote this letter:
A few days ago I was driving near the White House and I think I saw one of your group tours. But your website doesn't seem to showcase the vehicle I saw. I was driving by rather quickly but it almost looked like some sort of octopus bicycle. It looked like there were several people riding one machine, but not facing the same direction and yet all going the same way. Was this you guys? If so, what type of machine is it? Is this device available for tours? Is it strenuous or uncomfortable? Would it be suitable for my grandparents? Can everyone see where they are going? I am having a hard time describing it to people. Do you know if there is a photo of this contraption anywhere?
Because Bike the Sites is a well run company, I received a response from their president almost immediately. And he accused me of hallucinating. In fact, this is preciously (precisely?) what he said. “You must be hallucinating.” Having properly disarmed me, he charmingly continued.
Actually, you saw what we call the FunCycle, a bicycle for six plus one driver. We have a set tour that we do around federal triangle. We do not go to the monuments as of yet. You can check it out at We will have our website up shortly. Tours start this Sunday and will run Friday-Monday, 11AM-7PM.
Boston Pedal Party in da House! Based solely on the main picture from the website, I’d have to say the Funcycle is ideal for bachelorette parties or some sort of sorority formal, especially if you all have the same coat and identical haircuts. And based on the slide show offered by the site, I’d also have to say the Jimmy Carter loves him some Funcycle. And there is some sort of giant peanut/Nobel Peace laureate hybrid out there someplace in America.

So having never been on the thing and having no clue how it works and having no desire to see the tour of the Federal Triangle on a giant tricycle, I fully endorse Bike the Sites and their fantabulous thingamabob. There is a brief mention on their site now. My suggestion is if you have a free weekend and don’t want to come watch my football game and meet my single, athletic, well-off, handsome and funny teammates, well, than you might want to consider the Funcycle.



The Duchess said...

If I recall correctly, there are only one or two on your team that are single. And most of the others have kids!

I say go for Funcycle

Sommer said...

Hmm. Was about to get all excited about these potentially single, fit and hilarious teammates, but now the duchess steals my thunder. I demand the truth!

The Governess said...

i have yet to meet these fun single younng mens.


the Nabob said...

Neither of you have seen a game in many years. We have a new quarterback (former Australian pro rugby player), 4 new receivers and two new linemen for those of you who like the fatties. But they’re fun fatties, like Hurley.

There are pics on the team website, but you will find no link here.