Thursday, April 10, 2008


If a bathroom mirror is going to fall and land on your foot while you’re shaving, may I suggest arranging for it happen around 8am on Wednesday. The hospital’s waiting room is empty and your only competition for the nurse’s attention is a woman going into labor because her husbands can’t find the delivery room. And while you wait for the doctor in the ER, you can be entertained by the haunting moans and terrified hallucinations of drunks and abusers of whatever drugs the Alexandria populace abuses. The only downside is that the addicts take all the good rooms and when they sew the top of your foot back together they have to do it in the hallway on a stretcher. It’s next to the supply room where all the candy-strippers go to make out. Or so TV has led me to believe.

That being said, I’d advise against letting a mirror fall on your foot as it causes a considerable amount of pain, blood and ruining of fancy linens you got as wedding gifts. It also limits your ability to walk. But if you like wearing flip-flops, it’s not a bad way to go out.

The dog also needed his rabies* shot yesterday and while he protested mightily I told him it was either the vet or we’d send him the National Harbor where he’d get norovirus and his ears eaten off by mice while he slept. He opted for the vet but he quivered himself to exhaustion. He actually ran away from me a few times after we got home but since all I was doing was lying around with my foot elevated, playing Wii and watching Battlestar Galactapus 3.0, I figured it wasn’t that bad of a day. To paraphrase a wise man, it was like going to the prom with Gabrielle Carteris after Kelly Taylor shot you down.

*to answer a question I posed earlier, rabies is indeed known as hydrophobia** but the described symptom is not an overwhelming fear of water in any amount, like I thought. Instead, sufferers panic at the idea of drinking water or liquid since you saliva glands get so mangled by the disease.

**to answer a question nobody posed, Fatty Arbuckle starred in a movie call Help! Help! Hydrophibia in 1913 but I can’t find anything about it. I’m not even sure if a copy still exists anywhere in the world. And that’s a shame.


Anonymous said...

mmmmm.... Candy Strippers...

Heather said...

Was this THE mirror? The mirror of all that is unholy and evil? You might have gotten off easy; I keep waiting for mine just to kill me in my sleep.

the Nabob said...


that mirror looks like it's 1/10th the weight of the one that fell on my little pyggies.