Tuesday, April 15, 2008

And send the autos swerving into the loneliest morning

Like I assumed he wouldn’t, my father has obviously not done his taxes. Reason one is that he is lazy. Reason two is that I think my parents owe more than Leona Helmsley’s dog.

This is probably fine because there was a huge line outside both post offices near Dupont Circle filled with those folks trying to submit their returns before 5. And since my old man does not do lines, he’ll probably just take the hit and squander a few more dollars out of my inheritance with late fees and penalties.

Our refund has already been directly deposited and is earning a healthy .03% so I find all this rather comical. But what I found absolutely absurd was that there was a line at the corner mailbox near our house this morning. They recently downsized the neighborhood’s mailboxes from a hefty three to a paltry one in an effort to streamline the system and pay for that guy who draws those pictures in the commercials. But I never assumed it could have caused a pre-work logjam. In fact, there was almost an accident when one of our neighbors nearly rear-ended another when she stopped her car suddenly to let her 4-year-old put her return into the box. It’s the same kid who’s made a habit of hitting his wiffle ball into our yard and causes the dog to go nuts when he sneaks in to get it. So I wouldn’t be too upset if someone clipped him with their car. At least a little bit.

And speaking of the dog and the mailbox and the Pope – how many Hail Marys do you think the Pope would make me do if I confessed to putting the plastic bag I use to clean up after the dog into the mailbox? Not that I’ve done that. But there is a dearth of trashcans in our neighborhood and I won’t lie by saying I haven’t thought about it.

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