According to Google News, the biggest headline out of my old man’s hometown of Spencer, IA is a wedding announcement, an ATV dealership that’s moving into the old K-Mart and Wal-Mart ending their layaway program.* But then the cat that lived at the library died and things got all sorts of fucked up.
Grandma Pyggy reports that the town is appropriately upset at the passing of Dewey Readmore Books** as he’s been a comforting sight for the hundreds of children that sated their Sarah, Plain and Tall appetites. She also noted that the library is thinking about getting a new cat but they didn’t want that reported in the MSM. It seems they’re afraid that people will donate kittens by stuffing them in the overnight book drop, again.***
Obviously, overnight book drops are not for cats but for the discarded fliers that your local third party candidate hands out explaining his platform. He’s the one out there no matter what time of year it is and you feel bad so you take his Green Party leaflet, printed on green paper, and pretend to read but throw it away in the nearest overnight bin because it’s unlocked. A better solution would be to put the kittens through the mail slot at his house.
*As a wee one, I was unaware of the layaway counter’s true purpose other than a repository for lost children. If we got separated for our parents, say at TJ Maxx or Zayres’, we were told to head to layaway for eventual pickup. That’s some solid parenting.
**The second best pet name I’ve heard this week. Number One goes to “Captain Moonlight” who I guess was just adopted from the Alexandria Animal Shelter since his ridiculous adorable wide-angled photo has been taken down. However, “Ben” is still available after an entire year and it breaks my little heart.
***This may be the library that my pop’s has his name carved into the wall. It’s either there or at the bank, one of the two buildings he helped construct during one glorious summer full of mischief and swimming holes and hog slaughters.