Time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, thank you very much, Warren Christopher!

If you’re a dude and your imagination came of age sometime between Ugnaughts and Krang, then there is nothing more thrilling than finding a package shaped like this under the Christmas tree.



I saw this package at my parents last week and got kinda crazy excited in a way I hadn’t been in 18 years. For a little dude, a package wrapped like this meant you’d been good that year and your raggedy-ass was getting some sweet action figure action. And even though it was wrapped in several layers of colored paper, an experienced toy opener could tell which kind. Let’s examine…

First off, we can eliminate most Transformers (unless it was a smaller character like Laserbeak) because they came in boxes. Next, let’s cross off He-Man since the plastic bubble trapping our precious Mekaneak and mini-comic was a little more bulbous. Same goes for the TMNT. Also for those two, the bump was in the bottom-center and was pronounced enough that the whole thing could probably stand up on its own. We don’t have any of that here.

The shape of the cardboard backing suggests either GI Joe or Star Wars or Gobot. For the first two, the “doll” was located in the lower-left corner, where GI Joe was on the lower-right. For all three, the plastic was usually a uniform 4 inches tall but it was still possible to differentiate based on their accessories. Star Wars was the most basic and crammed the characters’ weapons inside the plastic box. The Gobots, like Cy-Kill, placed their side-items in small individual compartments immediately to the right of the figure. GI Joe placed their junk above each figure, like Law & Order here.

See what I mean? This was serious stuff for a young boy. So much so that I was able to pull all of that deep out of my grey matter after not really though at about it for 2 decades. But where did that leave us on Xmas morn? No dice on the action figure.



Instead I got a set of chisels. Granted, it was something I had asked for but after the initial and irrational excitement it was still disappointing. On the plus side, though, I got several other awesome toys and two jammin' Halloween costume ideas.