Thursday, April 26, 2007

Enough of the borax, Poindexter.

Right now, if you took my arms and battered me around the face and ears with them and insisted that I stop hitting myself, Lord Almighty, I could not. Most likely I would start crying or making sounds like a newborn kitten or both.


For a time, about 15 years, I assumed my immune system was made up of some kind of up-armored invincible white blood cell shooting raygun. Sure, it panics during the springtime allergy attacks and of course I got that hotel/cruise ship virus that everyone got that one Xmas, but I never got the flu or the sniffles or the dropsy. I never got whatever it was that was going around and everybody else had.

But then I was in Vegas and miserable and I made the G go get medicine with me even though I was convinced science hadn’t invented cure for whatever mutated Legacy virus I was battling. And when I listed my symptoms as fever, muscle ache, congestion, cough and runny nose she pointed at a box of cold medicine that specifically stated that it treated fever, muscle ache, congestion, cough and runny nose. She told me I had a cold and everyone gets them and called me several mean names before I crawled back into bed. As long as I was drugged up, I was functional enough to use the monorail and gamble away several thousand dollars in lunch monies.

And then I flew home.

And now I have a sinus and ear* infection with a tree pollen allergy kicker. Or “nature’s earplugs” as I call them. I went to the TV on The Radio concert? Honestly, I couldn’t hear a thing but people seemed to be having a good time with the head bobbing and the sleeveless shirt-arm pumping.

But at least I could stay home one day and lie in bed silently without any distractions.


They could be jackhammering outside my window for 72 straight hours. No matter how congested your head is, you can still hear one of seven dump trucks backing up and down my street. It’s actually a DOT requirement.

*the doctor let the G look into my ear with the little ear telescope and she can report with scientific accuracy that the inside my ear indeed looks “red.” Science!

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