Grubs

The D and I misrepresented ourselves on Saturday and weaseled our way into the Green Festival at the DC Convo Center. It was kinda like the Army show that Milbank went to in the Post except a million percent opposite. Instead of foamy stress relieving hand grenades, kindly elderly ladies handed out free bags of dirt. Well, technically they were bags of compost. But if it had been me sitting at that exhibit I’d have yelled “Hey dirtbag!” to anyone walking by and if they turned, I’d have chucked it ‘em. Actually, I went through a phase of doing that when I was in elementary school but I didn’t bother putting the dirt into easily recyclable paper bags.

Being green is something I’m 100% behind when I don’t have to do anything that is more expensive than not being green. For instance, I passed on the $210 solar powered meesenger bag/cell phone charger. I’m also not really on board if it means doing something gross like drinking coffee that comes from beans that goats poop out. But if being green means being delicious and eating pounds of Real Raw Honey on Triscuits, then I say OK!


Going in I was sorta in the market for some new eco-friendly apparel. But who would have thought that retailers at a green living trade show would have had an agenda? Although most of the clothes were soft and supple to the touch (even the normally scratchy hemp-wear) every single article had some sort of pro-dirt/anti-Hummer message. In fact, other than the Pink Ladies railing against war, every booth had some sort of anti-Hummer message. If you wear these beads made from paper or use this giant solar array to cook ramon noodles or give the guy in the Ranger Rick costume a hug then you will offset ten minutes of Hummer driving. And in the off the chance that a t-shirt did have something non-Hummer related on it, then it had some huge ugly website address printed all over it.

Can’t a guy be pro-environment and wear irreverent T-shirts singing the accolades of 1930’s flamboyant bonne vivante actresses and not have a message?



Only if I design them myself.