Monday, October 01, 2007

Also, who would have guessed that after 7 years of forced media isolation Jenna would be so 100% boring as fuck.

The following email went into my spam folder so I missed it until it was too late.

Dear Suburbs,

So. You want to put giant potholes in our roads and make our cops work overtime and not dedicate funding for our Metro and fill our hippest neighborhoods with d-bag college drunks eating slices of pizzas larger than their faces? And then not pay a commuter tax? Fine. Then we’re going to shut down all the bridges and most of the roads for some second-rate triathlon. Then we’re going to allow every group to have their fair or festival or symposium in honor of their heritage or books so even if you do make across the river it’ll take you an hour to drive 4 blocks and there will be no parking. Plus, there will be 100,000 people enjoying free walking tours all over town so forget about turning at any intersection. We hope you have fun this weekend not getting to where you want to go.

Kind regards,

The District

That was pretty much the deal on Saturday. There were two things I wanted to do: play flag football and eat loads of fried fish. The first was stone cold canceled because of the triathlon. Boo. But its totally understandable since both my football league and any other public athletic event in the District (outside the Marine Corps marathon) is atrociously run. However, I figured that my friends 3rd annual fish fry at 2pm would be safe.

Not the case. It took an hour-thirty to get to his place near National Cathedral – a trip that should take about 20 minutes. BOOOOO.

On the flip side, it was Cathedral Day. I left the party with about 5 pounds of fried pike in my stomach and thought it would be a good idea to climb the 7 flights up to the observation level of the Cathedral. You think meat sweats are bad. I almost threw up on the grave of Edgar Allen Poe or Sir Walter Raleigh or Gerald Ford or whoever is buried in the crypts of National Cathedral.

There was some pretty neat stuff. But the best part was the guy with the telescope pointed at the Vader gargoyle. I’d always heard that it was up there but never had binoculars when I was nearby. Plus I assumed it was huge. It’s not. It’s a little guy. And it’s way the hell up there.

The above shot was brought to you by science. Just stick the lens of your $200 digital camera into the eyepiece of a $3000 telescope and you get a pretty clear picture.

Also, Ranger Rick iz n ur skies, garding ur cathedrals.

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