What Goes Off

MOTHRA!

1. "I woke up in a Judy Blume novel this morning, so I can't make it in to work today. Sorry." -- LJG

2. REGARDING WHAT EVERYONE IS BUZZING ABOUT, MY THEORY: Let's get ultra uber meta on yr ass: JT Leroy does in fact, exist, but is presenting himself as someone who doesn't exist, who is simply acting the part of a false, separate, JT Leroy. You can mirror-bounce this theory 1000 times around. Is/is not/is/is not. Man, I love the SCENES! Either way, JT or no JT, I am done already with the Bastard out of Carolina-stylee nonfiction/fiction. I think I'll write my memoirs. They will be all about a girl in the suburbs with schoolteacher parents who skips curfew and drinks Beast out behind the Price Club, wears a letter jacket unironically, and makes the damn honor roll. Nothing much happens, this will be he genius of it. No whoring at truck stops, no Mommy Dearest teen mom, no pimps. My memoirs will be an instant hit, and then I will get to party with Wino Forever, too. If it makes you feel better, I will wear a Loni Anderson wig.

3. I head up to The City That Reads tomorrow to cheer on this batshit friend of mine. I was originally thinking about setting up a coffee cake stand! Water stands abound, would you not be in the mood for some sort of tasty snack? While running such a long ways? But that's not really practical I suppose, and most runners are "into basic health." This is something I choose not to participate in, but I can at least begrudgingly accept other people's lifestyles.

Maybe. Look for me to be hauled away by Bmore police after finally snapping, tackling some poor wiry soul into a bush and forcing Jameson down their throat before lighting a cigarette and shoving it in their piehole.

4. My little brother's thinking about grad school, probably just to spite me. Asshole.

5. I played the worst game of volleyball in MY ENTIRE LIFE last night, just played like a total jackass and didn't pay attention/head in clouds and ARRRGGGH. So. Frustrated. With. Myself. This is why you should not play sports with me, this is why Trivial Pursuit games have ended with a frigid bed and my back turned on my husband. This is why I refuse to learn to play poker. Competition is not my friend. I am a nightmare.

But this is the good thing, see - my season is over until spring! PEOPLE. I AM FREE AGAIN TO RAISE SOME HELL ON THURSDAY NIGHTS. Very important news okay.

6. Did anyone else think this was the most convoluted headline ever? I had to read it three times just to try and noodle what the article was actually about, and even then. The tress were lost? And then someone became mad? And they were a foe of growth? The trees growth? Wha? Am I just stupid, or is this too difficult? I might just be too stupid.

7. I have very little work to do today, so I might spend a few hours googling Sean Suhl. Do you know who you were actually paying when you signed up for Suicide Girls pr0n? I bet a lot of you didn't. So much for female empowerment.

8. I need opinions on the Minus Story LP, posthaste, pls.