i make it seem like all we did was eat.

oh, hi.

1. We're back from Portland. We saw 10000 waterfalls. They were all very pretty and the photos are probably extremely yawn worthy because they are ... water... but what you gonna do. They were really pretty in person and made me have to pee every five minutes. I wish this were an exaggeration.

2. Spent three short hours in Powells. I finished Gilead and am mostly through Sean Wilsey's Oh the Glory of it All, two books that have been on my totally pointless Amazon list since they were published.

3. K. won 2008 Best Friendz Foreverz award by getting the N and I a fancy hotel room one night. Later she kept texting me about how she was having conversations with Cirque De Soleil people who were dressed like angels and were on stilts. Also, homeless people in Portland love me. Way more than DC. No one told me to smile, though.

4. Ate an entire plate of Himalayan food at the Saturday market. I bought a neat screenprint. Topped that off with an elephant ear. In other food news, also ate meatloaf and really really really incredible things called "Dragon Chips" from the Camellia Lounge that were so disgustingly good I'm not even gonna begin to tell you about the hot wing sauce and kettle chips and blue cheese. Bonkers.

5. We did more than eat. We went all over the coast and hung out in Astoria for an afternoon, being the kind of assholes that yell out the window things like "SCHOOL FROM KINDERGARTEN COP!!!!!" and "GOONIES HOUSE!!!!!!!" Additionally in Astoria, there was a group of about 14 Japanese schoolgirls just hanging out. This is funny because there is nothing going on in Astoria. Nothing. They didn't seem to have a car or any other kind of transportation, either, they'd just materialize in our faces, like in front of the semi-abandoned JC Penney's storefront. It was great. Also we played on a lot of beaches and saw the sun set and then ate pizza.

6. We saw our friend R. a few times, and his fledgling art gallery. The art gallery, it might also be noted, also screenprints and embroiders. So the next time you want to bulk order a bunch of sweatpants with your nickname/blogname on the ass, please to be calling, I know a guy. Also, we are now totally bedecked in misprinted Portland local high school sporting apparel. The N got a wicked semi-professional women's lacrosse sweatshirt. Anyway... oh yeah, we saw R. The first time the call went out to meetup someplace, this was the call:

R: Ya! Let's go get beers! But first I have to go to Bernie's, because Katherine left something there.

The N: I have no fucking clue who Katherine or Bernie are.

7. on a ridiculously long layover in Denver on our way to Portland, we realized DIA has free wifi. That led to this. Which led to my head exploding because I could not even handle that at ALL.

8. The N had an extra day or so to waste. We did so by touring the Tillamook Cheese Factory. Also we went to the Air Museum five minutes before it closed to see the Spruce Goose, and a really nice retiree let us in for free for the last five minutes. He used to be stationed at Pax and would go into DC to "dance with all the pretty girls." Aww. Also, Spruce Goose? Flying Lumberyard? Pretty big, dude.

9. We saw a black bunny on the beach. It made absolutely no sense, like much of Oregon. It was munching on seagrass and looked like someone's pet. OH and also in other animal news, we saw elk teasing crows. Elk! Real elk!

10. The flight home was awesome. The woman sitting next to us threw a fucking conniption over both the fact that the A) her direct TV wasn't working and B) the stewardess EXPLAINED THE FACT THAT THE TV WASN'T WORKING WRONG, IN HER OPINION. I called that from our layover in Denver, though, where I heard same woman exclaim on her Bluetooh "But I'm EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR." omigodkill. She sucked to 1000000 levels of suckiness. But karma, proving itself completely rad, made Witchy Ass Lady sit next to my husband (sinus infection, couldn't hear and thus couldn't regulate his own voice, and laughed outloud at "Enchanted" the whole plane trip, having the only backseat television that worked on the entire plane) and myself (vomited while landing!) the entire time. Welcome to DC, bitch.