Last night I was again accused of making things up by AM, even though I have proven time and time again that my tales are non-fiction. But today something incredible happened that even I wouldn’t believe unless I was shown the photographic proof. Fortunately, I carry a camera in my purse with my tissues and butterscotch candies.
Around 11:30 I was sitting in my car waiting for my turn in the car wash. Suddenly, a cute little sparrow landed on the hood and initiated an avian staring contest. But when it became clear that I was not going to be the first blinker, it got all huffy and started pecking the fuck out of the paint.
“Uhhh bird? What are you doing!!??!
I revved the engine but it did not flinch. I honked the horn. It looked up, bounced two baby bird steps toward the windshield and went back to pecking.
“Seriously!!! Bird, what’s the deal?”
I laid on the horn. It looked up again, gave me with of those quick birdlike head turns and gave me the stink eye. That’s when I died a little bit today. My insides turned black from a cocktail of pity, terror and the Five Guys I had for lunch.
Click along if you want to be majorly groaded out. And only if you are willing to sign a pledge that you will never walk around Falls Church without a Marine issued zombie neutralizing weapon.