Friday, July 18, 2008


I don’t go in for musicals for the same reason I don’t go to hockey games or the condo association board meetings. I’m sure they’re fun and people dance in the aisles and many parking issues get resolved but they are not my thing. I’m not against them and certainly wouldn’t bust anyone’s chops after his girlfriend makes him go see the Man From La Mancha with his probable future mother-in-law.

As a result, I know nothing about staged musicals. If the category on Jeopardy is "Broadway Musicals" I’ll guess Jean Valjean for every question because it’s always the answer to one of them. (The same goes for Trivia Pursuit. David Mamet is the answer to any question about playwrights.)

For example, I know Rent takes place in New York. And I know that I look like one of the guys from the movie version. And I think someone has or gets AIDS. (Probbaly my character.) But beyond that my only frame of reference is from a brief Simpson’s spoof and the commercials that were on WTOP the last time it came to town. Based on the song that played repeatedly for several weeks, I’m guessing the play is about math. Or at least counting how many minutes make up some longer amount of time.

The same with Sweeney Todd. I didn’t see the movie. But I know it’s bloody and yesterday’s NY Times crossword puzzle* has a clue about a song from the play and the answer is “The Worst Pies in London.” The worst pie I ever had in London was made out of eels. Eel pie. Now that's a play I'm willing to see.

Mama Mia is another one. I assumed it was about ABBA and ABBA only. The drama amongst the group’s members didn’t reach Fleetwood Mac levels but I’m sure in the hands of a clever writer and a catalogue of dance hits you could draw together a pretty fun show. But the reviews in the papers today shatter that illusion. It’s about a woman who’s so promiscuous, with so many sexy English sex partners that she doesn’t know who the father of her daughter is. And it’s in Greece.

Now I’m all for loose woman with looser morals. But it gets dangerously close to the poor standards set by Grease, for my tastes. The moral of Grease is that if you want to be popular you should change who you are and put out. And then you get to fly away in a magic car. Even as a child I knew that the ending of that movie was setting a bad example. I don’t want to have to someday explain to my potential daughter that to be popular you need to sleep with Colin Firth. Although she will have my permission to eff
Stellan Skarsgård.

Did you see him catch that coffee mug in Ronin? Dude’s the shit.

*In today’s puzzle -

Clue: Inclusive, as in some resorts
Answer: gay friendly

Inclusive = Gay friendly?

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