Wednesday, June 11, 2008

If you can't stand the heat then screw you

A previously unconsidered drawback to the design of the Nat’s new home is the complete lack of circulating air on the field or seating on the first level. My advice is if you walk from the metro into the stadium, don’t go to your seats. Just enjoy the game by circling around the main level because as soon you stop you will be murdered by hot. It’s too hot to enjoy baseball so you develop an absurd sense of ill-will toward the people sitting near you. You’re not sure how but the must be somehow stealing absorbing the cool air or breezes.

The Nats lost the game. I lost about5 liters of fluids. But there was one winner.

This is irrefutable proof that Teddy Roosevelt won the President’s Race. Look, there’s the ribbon around his curiously pregnant-looking waste. Unfortunately, that bastard Screech disqualified him for using motorbike. But I don’t see any bike in that photo.

If it’s in the rule book that a contestant can’t use any sort of mechanized device during the race, then have Teddy wipeout spectacularly like Puff Daddy did in that one video with Sting. Don’t disqualify him for being an opportunist. Teddy almost won at the last game we were at but was tackled by a a panther near the finish line, for some reason*. How is this allowed while mopeds are banned?

And I’ve grown to dislike Screech. It was nothing to do with his antics or suggestive dancing. I don’t like that he doesn’t take care of himself. I understand that little, sticky kids and drunk, sweaty adults are always hugging on him but the back of his head is filthy. A bald eagle’s head should be majestic and white, not mangy and grey. Also, I don’t like his antics or suggestive dancing.

*quality of video leads me to believe there was a second panther operating off screen. Notice how Teddy's head falls back and to the right.


ryan said...

I was at this game and from my crappy outfield seats could clearly see the mini scooter on which Teddy cheated his way to victory. It was a shameful display. He should cheat honestly and begin taking steroids.

gwadzilla said...

I took my kids to the game one saturday afternoon

we did exactly that

we circled the stadium

as great as our seats were
they were too hot for the kids to enjoy themselves

the hot seats sure do help the ice cream sales