Friday, November 30, 2007


I tried to hijack my parents HD TV and NFL Network signal last night to watch TO eat popcorn and torch old man Favre. Instead, I walked into a giant I Love Lucy level plumbing disaster. The pipe that the washing machine drains into backed up and the water sprayed all over the place but mostly into the full 5 gallon bucket of detergent. It looked like one of those foam parties that everyone has heard about because of CSI Miami but no ones ever been to because when you think about it, it’s pretty gross and would sting your eye ballz to no end. My dad went to look for the plumbing snake. I took my shirt off and started dancing.

This would be the 4th plumbing issue I’ve dealt with in the last 2 weeks – two clogged drains and 2 replaced faucets – but I don’t really mind since I love big balls of greasy human hair touching my skin and face. My dad and I cleared the water from the sink and unhooked the drain. The clog wasn’t in the trap so I tried to blow the plug free using my strong American lungs. But it was to no effect since they’re black and shriveled up like raisons because of the clove cigarettes I pretend to smoke.

What I was unaware of at the time is that the same drain that deals with laundry water was also the one my parents used to clean the paintbrushes they used to redo the bathroom. So while we were heroically able to clear the clog, I was unknowingly forced to walk around with a painted ring on my lips.

Thanks Mom and Dad!


Your clown son.

1 comment:

Bob said...

This reminds me of the time when I had to drink a barium milkshake at the doctor's office for this procedure where they look at the radioactive stuff go down your esophagus. Then I met with the doctor for the after-consult and he talked to me about the results for about 15 minutes.

Then I was getting dressed and I saw my reflection in the mirror and I had the white shit ALL OVER MY FACE! So then I projected back to the consult with the doctor and was very embarrassed.