Wednesday, April 01, 2009


I looked into fitness/nutrition plans online. (I refuse to say "diet" because even if that's what I need probably, dieting is stupid and i hate math and all diets seem to revolve around "numbers" and "counting" and beauty ideals and fuck that. All I really want is some sort of robot to email me a daily reminder that I reconsider mindlessly eating an entire bag of M&Ms for lunch, and continuing to act like I have been lately may result in a one-way ticket to Scurvyville.)

Anyhoodles, fitness plans and crap out there on the www? They all want you to have goals. My goal isn't to lose 10 pounds or gain muscle tone, it's to not get diabetes. Goal: I'd like to keep both my feet.

Related: does anyone have a good workout DVD they can recommend? I do actually own 2 workout tapes (yes, tapes. Eric Nies the Grind Workout and Fabio's Workout) so I am obviously very serious about this sort of thing.

I want something that isn't too long (can be done in the evening in 30 minutes or less) and doesn't involved jumping (this is more practical than me just being lazy and white and earth bound - TV is in a basement with relatively low ceilings) and isn't some of my husbands more questionable Billy Banks taibo army bootcamp boxing whatevers. Additionally I have a bum neck, so if I can avoid becoming paralyzed I'd appreciate it. Also, no techno. And if CatAn tries to tell me lies about how in two weeks I can be doing headstands through the magic of yoga, well.... I don't even know. She obviously has never seen me attempt to be coordinated.



catherine said...

30 day shred!

Lisa said...

What about a workout that requires installation help and comes with the warning: "Failure to properly follow installation instructions may cause home damage, serious injury or even death"?

I don't think you'd have to jump, but you'd definitely have to do an obscene amount of gyrating. And then there's the home damage to consider.

the g said...

Lisa, I think the only way that could be better is if the manufacturer spelled it with a "y" - FlyrtyGyrlFyt? Now that I can get behind.

Or on top of. Or something.

The Deceiver said...

WIFE OF DCEIVER: Tell the G. that I am going to get the Bollywood Workout DVD and that so should she.


WIFE OF DCEIVER: Why should it be jumping jumping jumping?

DCEIVER: I don't know. Seems like a lot of jumping.

WIFE OF DCEIVER: But not serious jumping.

DCEIVER: Well, fuck. The thought that I might espy either one of you guys one day, bopping along to "Jaan Pelechan Ho" is pretty much making me Liz all over the floor.


Actually, she recommends doing a search on yr Tivo/DVR for fitness stuff. Also, she says that Netflix has all these sorts of DVDs you can take for a spin (and illicitly copy if you want) if you decide that you like it.

wordwitch said...

Hey, if you're anywhere near Franklin Park (13th & eye) we could do some power walking a few times a week - I HAVE diabetes, and am desperately trying to tone it down again (just went on meds after 3+ years without....major bummer). Let me know.


Anna said...

Don't laugh but 10 minute pilates is a great DVD - it's 5 work outs, all targeting different areas of the body. You can mix and match for a longer workout or just do 2-3 for a 30 minute workout. It's all body resistance so you won't need any equipment, and it should be easy on your neck. I have a seriously bad back and it's been great for me.