Friday, February 05, 2010

Just a few more left

Are you ready to get snownd? The G is. She went to the grocery store at midnight on Thursday and the lines extended all the way down the aisles, back into the cold cuts. And all she wanted to buy was bleu cheese dressing for our Super Bowl wings and 6 frozen pizzas for her and the dog. I don’t really care for football, so I’m not going to watch the game. Have fun. Plus, I already know what’s going to happen thanks to my trusty, dog-eared copy of Boston 2010: XXI Supercoppa.

Boston 2010: XXI Supercoppa is the superior Italian translation of Killerbowl, Gary K Wolf’s realism masterpiece. While, most will remember Wolf as the creator of Roger Rabbit, Boston 2010: XXI Supercoppa is actually the brightest star in Wolf’s constellation of fictitious works. It’d be easy to find or write an English synopsis of the book. But who has time for that? Let’s make things complicated and toss the Italian summary into a couple translators and see whats what. We can break it down from there.

It’s 31 December 2010(1). In a few hours, begins the finals of the oval ball between the team of the San Francisco Prospectors and that of the Minuteman in New England. TK Mann, ace Prospector, is preparing(2) the dressing room. At 34 you(3) feel old, and his murderous rival, Harv Matision(4), has sworn to kill him(5) ... Because in 2010 the American football, which is already one of the most violent sports in existence, has evolved into a clash of gladiators. The athletes take the field as armored medieval warriors armed with clubs, spears, daggers, rifles(6), and the game, rather than the stadium, takes place in an urban district, vacated for the occasion and littered with cameras. Everything is ready for the Super Cup XXI(7). But as we witness, hour by hour, the chronicle of the fierce battle, a series of dramatic flashbacks gradually reveal why this particular Super Cup is different from all others. There are mysterious backstages(8), strange interference, cynical machinations behind the big game. And TK Mann, a hero at sunset, still has many cards to play: first and foremost that of revenge.

1. HG Welles was able to correctly predict technological advancements in submarines and electrical batteries. Lovecraft accurately foretold the arrival of the batrachian Deep Ones , that race of frog-like ocean-dwelling creatures who are currently plaguing the Connecticut coastline with their affinity for mating with humans. I don’t see why Paul K. Wolf would not assume that the NFL would add a bye week to the middle of the season, extend the schedule to 16 games and add a wild card round to the playoffs. It’s ridiculous for anyone to think that the 2010 Super Bowl would be played even on the last day of December.

2. Every translation indicated that TK Mann, the ace Prospector, was preparing THE dressing room and not preparing IN the dressing room. With bunting, I assume.

3. The translators also appear to have issues with pronouns. It isn’t Mann who feels old, but the reader. Also, is a 34 year-old quarterback considered over-the-hill anymore?

4. Granted this was written decades ago, but doesn’t Harv Matision seem like a lazy attempt at changing the name of Marvin Harrison? The gun-toting, alleged attempted murderer and former Colt Marvin Harrison?

5. Only one translation says “sworn to kill him.” The others claim that Harv Matision has “sworn to make him the skin.”

6. Also cudgels, claves, giavellottis, javelins, daggers, and carbines.

7. With the way the NFL stretches out the season to make monies, it can be forgiven that Wolf would get the date of the game wrong. But there are some wildly inaccurate mathematics being used to compute the Roman numerals for the 2010 Super Bowl. When the book was printed in 1975 it had been firmly established that the Super Bowl was an annual event. It should have been easy to calculate that the game was the 44th championship and not the 21st. Super Bowl XXI was in 1987.

8. Not mysterious backstage activities. Just mysterious back stages.

Enjoy the game everyone. My guess: Boston Minutemen in four sets. 7-6, 6-3, 4-6, 6-1.


Tom said...

OR: the last Superbowl was in 1979, at which point the new, more brutal Super Cup institution began.

オテモヤン said...


Chris said...

I hope you survived the Snowcopolypse!